Woe, I say woe unto the mama that breaks up a happy home. Pain and sorrow for the rest of her days to the woman that dares to come between a single mama and her bedraggled, chatty, pooping baby. May she receive a million pouts or more from the five year old she has so dastardly wronged. Again, woe, I say woe unto the mama that has to throw away the much beloved Baby Alive Real Surprises doll.
Why would I throw away a baby doll such as Patty? Why would I risk a lifetime of emotional damage and countless hours of therapy for our only daughter? One word. Surprises.
Surprises indeed. She was full of them. Would she talk as advertised? Would she shut up once she did begin talking? Why did she always come to life in the middle of the night like some creepy horror movie? "Hi, Mommy! Let's play!"
When was she ever going to poop? When was she going to stop pooping?
And, then came the biggest surprise of all. The fungus among us. Unbeknownst to myself and the Honeyman, Patty wasn't missing any meals. It seems Señorita Sassypants had fed dear Patty unsanctioned foods that never fully um, existed the system.
What soon followed still has me retching. Science experiment worthy specimens were silently growing away inside our dear, sweet, rotten on the inside, Patty. What began as a routine cleaning ended with hurried forever goodbyes and wails of grief, bio-hazmat suits and decontamination chambers. The culmination coming as the garbage bin door slammed on Patty's giggles of, "I love you, Mommy".
The girl seems to be handling the stages of grief as one does. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and cupcakes. We've not achieved acceptance yet. That's okay. We can all use a few more cupcakes in our life.
Surprises indeed. She was full of them. Would she talk as advertised? Would she shut up once she did begin talking? Why did she always come to life in the middle of the night like some creepy horror movie? "Hi, Mommy! Let's play!"
When was she ever going to poop? When was she going to stop pooping?
And, then came the biggest surprise of all. The fungus among us. Unbeknownst to myself and the Honeyman, Patty wasn't missing any meals. It seems Señorita Sassypants had fed dear Patty unsanctioned foods that never fully um, existed the system.
What soon followed still has me retching. Science experiment worthy specimens were silently growing away inside our dear, sweet, rotten on the inside, Patty. What began as a routine cleaning ended with hurried forever goodbyes and wails of grief, bio-hazmat suits and decontamination chambers. The culmination coming as the garbage bin door slammed on Patty's giggles of, "I love you, Mommy".
The girl seems to be handling the stages of grief as one does. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and cupcakes. We've not achieved acceptance yet. That's okay. We can all use a few more cupcakes in our life.
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